Onward, Upward, and Further In

When it comes to suffering, I’ve done a LOT of hiding in my life.     More than anyone can imagine.     I’m learning to be more open about suffering. Sometimes this openness feels wildly open, if I’m honest.     It has been uncomfortable to come out of hiding.     However, when I hid, it wasn’t necessarily voluntary.     I was paralyzed: I couldn’t physically bring myself to share difficult experiences.     I also didn’t always know I was hiding.     It just happened.     So often, it wasn’t a conscious choice.       When I hide in my suffering, I try to suppress the truth of the suffering.  It’s my attempt to subvert tough realities.  My hiding in suffering is also very much about shame, this feeling of falling short, not being enough, and not being worth protection and care.  I want to be covered, so I hide.     I’ve found there’s a high cost to h...