Contentment has been hard to cultivate in my life. We live in a world of luxuries, luxuries that generations before us never had. When I don't have a body that functions like the normal people around me, and I cannot do basic things, like drive my daughter places, it's easy to compare myself to the majority around me who can do these things for their kids. We haven't been able to give Karalise consistent swimming lessons because my health wasn't well enough to consistently drive her every week. This can make me feel worthless, frustrated, fearful, and so many other feelings of discontent. When my mind is tormented and does not function like the normal people around me, it's easy to despair. It's easy to blame myself or blame God for being in a state of crippling despair, or crippling hypervigilance. I am tempted to feel worthless. I am tempted to give up. When I cannot go on vacation due to the expense of finding a place that is fragrance free, not mold...
Pressing on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. “I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now...Come further up, come further in!” -C.S Lewis, The Last Battle