Onward, Upward, and Further In

The last few months have been more than intense. Many troubles weigh my heart down. Many internal doubts are rising to the surface. I have been fighting fear, shame, and even a crisis of faith. Health Issues: My health is gradually improving from some scary neurological symptoms I experienced last year, but now I’m really feeling the fear of the unknown. Doctors don’t know why. Doctors can’t help. I’ve had so many tests. I recently saw my Cardiologist, and he asked for an update on my neurological symptoms.  He was rather concerned that my symptoms are not fully resolved, and by the fact that we don’t have any answers for them. But he's a Cardiologist. He’s not a Neurologist. It’s not his field. I’ve been pretty unsettled by the lack of answers. But more than that, I’m constantly bracing for a resurgence of crippling symptoms. I can’t forget, because I still get some of these strange symptoms now. I never know if I should attempt to go for a walk without a wheelchair...

As I look out across the world, I’m sobered. There are a lot of scary things happening. I’m on my knees, pleading with God for mercy. But when I look out at the Church, I’m deeply grieved and concerned. I see deeper divides. I see Christians themselves fanning flames. I see disunity in ways we haven’t seen in a long time. And Christians are called to be ONE with one another, just as Christ is ONE with the Father. “The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.” John 17:22-23 Christians Radicalized: My heart broke this weekend. Vance Boelter, a man who had been a devout Evangelical Christian, assassinated former Democratic House Speaker Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark. He tried to assassinate Democratic Senator John Hoffman and his wife, Yvette. Christians are becoming radicalized. ...

“The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” ~1 Peter 4:7-8 There is a crisis brewing in LA (and now around America). I earnestly hope that we will choose to pray for one another, and seek self-control and sober-mindedness as we try to understand what is happening. The whole world is watching. The whole world is concerned. I am praying that divisions will not grow. I am praying for peace. I am praying that God Himself would intervene. This particular crisis could turn into something very ugly indeed, not just for the short-term, but the long-term…having an impact on the entire world. I pray that Christians would strive for love. I pray that they would be motivated by love for one another, and seek to give their energy to love more than fear or hate. I pray that love will help them to have self-control and sober-mindedness in conversatio...

When I was in my early twenties, I was full of excitement for what life might bring. Within reason, lol. I am naturally pessimistic. But youthfulness and idealism has a way of overcoming natural cynicism. I had dreams. Beautiful dreams. I wanted to help people. I wanted to be a blessing. I wanted to be someone who builds up and doesn’t tear down. I wanted a family. I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to make a difference with my family. I wanted to experience meaningful community. I wanted to be healthy and help others to be healthy…in body, mind and soul. I was eager and energised in the pursuit of my hopes and dreams. I didn’t want to waste my life. Very quickly, my hopes and dreams started to take a hit. My health took a sideways turn. I was sent home from a ministry I loved more than anything else in my life (where I was blessed more than I served). I went home to try and get healthy, but twenty plus years later, my health continues to plummet. I pursued avenues t...