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Mercy for the Bitter Heart


Bitterness

I have struggled with a chronic illness for many years.  It's been hard.  I've felt grief, disappointment, weariness and isolation. And I have a confession: I have been bitter.  Bitter about my situation.  Bitter about increased relational difficulty.  There has definitely been that soul's cry of 'Why, oh why, God! How could you let this happen to me?' 

Another confession: It didn't take chronic illness to first introduce me to bitterness.  It didn't even take hard life circumstances to fan it to flame in my heart.  Yes, I've been bitter in the mundane: about being caught in the rain; or about that cold I get every winter; or about being slighted by a friend.  I just need to remember it doesn't take harsh suffering to make me guilty of bitterness.

What is bitterness?  It involves an angry and unforgiving heart. It is an anger being fueled into intense animosity.  Bitterness exaggerates wrongs done to us.  Bitterness can be aimed at people who have legitimately offended us and grow and poison our hearts from there.  But it also blinds us.  We can be quick to be offended even when no offense has been done.  It warps and poisons reality. It hardens our hearts so that we can only see the failures of others and not see our own failures.    

There are degrees of bitterness.  There are seasons for some Christians when they are inclined to bitter thoughts, but not totally sold out to bitterness.  However, bitterness is something that grows and will consume.  It is VERY dangerous to hold onto bitterness.  It will poison some to the point of making them abusive, brutal people. 

Bitterness, we are told in Hebrews, defiles many:
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled...  Hebrews 12:15
I first read this passage as a teenager.  I had two reactions to it: 1) Whoa!  I had better repent NOW because I am defiling many!  2) Whoa!  I had better RUN from the bitter because they are going to defile me and make me bitter.

It was tempting for me to think of bitterness as the unforgivable sin.  I felt justified if I decided to avoid someone struggling with bitterness.  My thoughts went something like this: "Their heart is too hard, so why should I even try to love them?  Besides, there is nothing I can say or do to soften their heart."

But, if I'm in the throws of bitterness, do I really want people to RUN from me?  I certainly don't want to taint anyone with my bitterness, but it also doesn't exactly help if I'm left stranded to sink into the miry pit of my own foul resentment and sour soul. 

Mercy

I've been thinking about these things in light of how to approach the ministry of mercy.  God calls us to show lovingkindness to the weak and the broken among us.  But if someone has been suffering long with some kind of difficult hardship (i.e. abuse, past or present; abandonment; rejection; loss; sickness, depression; financial instability; failure; relational turmoil; and many more), there will be a strong temptation towards bitterness.  We may feel sorry for ourselves, blame others for not loving us well enough, and blame God for putting us in that difficulty.  Certainly, by God's grace, some will suffer joyfully, but most of us will struggle and wrestle with our suffering in some way or other. 

It would be preposterous to suggest we only pursue the joyful and content sufferers.  Mercy involves entering into another person's difficulty and mess.  God does give us direction in how to do this:
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.  Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.  Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.  Galatians 6:1-2
Scripture urges us to GENTLY restore.  Gentleness involves both sensitivity and kindheartedness. But we are to gently restore with caution and humility so that we don't also fall.  I am so thankful for the community of the church, because this kind of pursuit of a bitter and hurting person does not need to be done alone.  It is wise for our own souls to do the work of restoration in the context of community.  For those whose bitterness is even making them verbally abusive, it is wise to involve the elders of the church. 

Scripture gives us further guidance in how to approach a hurting person struggling with bitterness. Here in Thessalonians we see the four pronged approach we must have toward people:
And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all.  1 Thessalonians 4:14 
When I am experiencing grief and sorrow due to ongoing suffering, mixed with dangerous bitterness, I want to be lovingly pointed back to Christ.  I want my hope in Christ to be restored.  I want my expectations of people to be corrected.  I want genuine friendship (even though I may be highly tempted to think that's impossible). 

  1. Bitterness should not prevent us from admonishing the idle.  If I am not persevering in putting my bitterness to death, I am being idle.  We all need to NOT be idle in sanctification, and keep seeking to repent of sins.  While it may be scary to admonish someone struggling with bitterness, their souls need to be reminded that there is joy in repentance.
  2. Bitterness should not prevent us from encouraging the fainthearted.  Where there is suffering, there is weariness and weakness.  We can infuse hope back into those who are struggling to find hope.
  3. Bitterness should not prevent us from helping the weak.  We can offer practical and relational help to those who have been broken.  
  4. Bitterness should not prevent us from being patient with all.  We can continue to pursue sufferers struggling with bitterness with a quiet, steadfast perseverance.  
It is my prayer that we each search our own hearts and turn away QUICKLY from the bitterness within, but that we also seek to love wisely and prayerfully those in our lives who are fast sinking into bitterness. 

Praise God that to those who love Him, we are heirs with Christ!


So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!  Rom 8:12-15

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