Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Another year has come, and with it new resolutions. And it's often a time that many of us realise we have fallen short in our spiritual lives and in our devotion to God. There's devotionals and bible reading plans being promoted all over the place. But right now, many of us may be downcast and we might wonder if these tools could really revive our hearts. Affliction has been near to me for many years now, and I have often felt hopeless in trying to adopt better spiritual habits. Affliction may be near to you as well. If, for one reason or another, you are struggling in your spiritual life and in your faithfulness to dwell in God's Word, I wanted to encourage you that you WILL find LIFE in God's Word. During the darkest moments, I couldn't see it, but God was blessing me through the regular reading of the Bible. I hope that no matter what temptations keep you from hoping in God and the fruitfulness of His Word in your life, that you will wait for the Lord, and believe that you WILL see the GOODNESS of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13-14).
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BIBLE
I DO love the Bible. I love reading through ALL of the Bible. However, as I have mentioned, I have not managed to be consistent. Not at all. Sometimes my Bible reading is very sporadic. A lot of times, I had no plan and would just choose to read what was familiar. Perhaps many of you have this same struggle. I try to read through the New Testament frequently. I am in the Psalms almost every day. Praise God for that, because that is definitely God's work in my life, not my own. However, reading through the Old Testament has become very hard for me. I believe the regular reading of the Old Testament has tremendous value for Christians. God's plan of redemption is spectacular, and can only be fully appreciated as we read the entire Bible. But for a variety of reasons, reading the Old Testament has become increasingly difficult. I have started many Bible reading plans, but have completed few. I have been tempted to give up entirely.
OBSTACLES TO READING THE BIBLE
Over the last ten years, I have faced many trials. The rapid decline of my physical health has especially contributed to finding it difficult to read my Bible regularly. I live with chronic pain. There's never a moment I am without pain. The pain is everywhere and it is unrelenting. The fatigue I experience is literally crippling. Sometimes I need walking aids or a wheelchair. The intensity of pain and fatigue make it very difficult to concentrate. I get confused going grocery shopping with a list in hand! I could read and re-read the same passage and still not be able to describe to you what I had just read. Along with pain and fatigue, I experience intense anxiety, due to a couple other physical conditions I live with. My heart is always pounding. I feel like I can't breathe. My chest is constricted. With this growing number of health issues, the simple ability to concentrate has been greatly depleted. In fact, I've had to spend the last 10 years re-learning how to read the Bible. I used to be able to journal, make observations, highlight the text, etc. Now it is increasingly difficult to do these simple things. I also always preferred reading rather than listening but I've had to force myself to learn how to listen to an audio Bible, because reading is hit or miss for me. I often have headaches, and reading can exasperate them.
Furthermore, my mental health has taken a serious hit. Grief and trauma have become profound. Topics that were once NOT an issue for me to engage could now trigger enormous pain. In fact, reading certain passages has caused me to spiral into very dark places. The Old Testament records many terrible deeds, as we are taught and shown why the Law is not enough to redeem us, and why we need a Messiah. But for me, PTSD has intruded into my life, and with it the experience of complex emotions rather than the simpler ones I had grown accustomed to earlier in my life. Grappling with difficult passages of Scripture could now cause intense and confusing emotional reactions.
QUESTIONS
I did not adjust easily to my new life circumstances, especially in relation to God and the reading of the Bible. Health problems prevented me from being able to stick to a certain schedule (ie mornings or evenings). Life is always throwing curving balls. Add into that the reality that just one portion of Scripture could undo me for days, even weeks due to trauma and grief, and I really started to despair. Was all this effort worth it? I was inclined to feel that God had abandoned me. What I read often seemed to be hurtful and made it feel like God was against me. I had once enjoyed my Bible like the psalmist in Psalm 19:7,10: "The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple....More to be desire are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb." But things had changed, and I started to wonder why God would allow me to have such hardship in my attempts at Bible reading, and more importantly, in communion with Him.
WHAT ARE YOUR OBSTACLES?
I think all of us have many obstacles to reading the Bible regularly, let alone reading the Bible in its entirety. I know some of you might be able to identify with the struggles I described above, but for many others, your struggles look quite different. But whatever your struggle, whether doubt or busyness or feeling distant from God, I do recommend that you honestly identify your obstacles. As you do this, you have opportunity to combat your doubts or apathy, etc., with the appropriate truths that apply to your situation. You will also be more equipped to wisely start to figure out some creative ways around or through your obstacles.
As Christians, there are several universal obstacles to faithful and fruitful Bible reading. I have struggled with all of these (sometimes all at once). Here's some examples of our obstacles, but this is not an exhaustive list:
- a failure to prioritize the right things
- a struggle to understand what the Bible means, how it all fits together and why certain passages are included
- the anxieties of life making it difficult to be still and learn from Scripture
- a fear that the God of the Bible is not good, faithful or loving which leads to reluctance to read
- our affections for the world outweigh our affections for God
- being distracted
- being overwhelmed
- hopelessness, depression, apathy or burnout
- spiritual attacks
- disbelief
- physical pain or disabilities
- fatigue
BLESSINGS
Despite the inconsistency of my Bible reading habits and the doubts, fears and depression that rose up inside of me, I did persist in reading my Bible over the last ten years. I certainly struggled to believe my Bible reading was having any positive effect in my soul, but ultimately, I love God and I want to be near Him. In my darkest moments, I knew I had a choice: to love God or abandon God. I realised that I did not want to live without God. He alone is LIGHT. He is my salvation, my only hope. He is the refuge of my soul, whether I feel that He is my refuge or not.
While I continue to face many struggles, I have glimpsed some of the fruits that even inconsistent Bible reading has had on my soul. Humble and earnest pursuit of God through habitual reading of His Word WILL nourish your soul. God gives grace to the humble (James 4:6). Draw near to God, and He WILL draw near to you (James 4:8).
For those of you who are traveling through dark or dry spells of the soul, I hope you will be encouraged by some of the ways God's Word has been a light to my feet.
- I beheld the Beauty of the Lord. God is transcendent. Glorious. His character is perfect, beyond comprehension. I've seen death, I've seen decay, I've seen betrayal and all manner of ugliness in this world. God, in His glory, stands in complete contrast to all the ugliness I've encountered in life. Putting myself before the beauty of the Lord over and over and over did more to renew hope in me than I ever dared to dream.
- I learned about Wisdom and Folly. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Whatever physical limitations I face or trials I endure, I have learned that wisdom is not beyond my grasp. Not that I have attained it! While my life may not be full of wordly successes or the pleasures of vacations and world travel (even local travel, sigh), I CAN grow in my fear of the Lord (by God's grace). My life is not wasted if I am found in Him.
- When my soul was confounded, the Word gave me Sanity. Whether I was confused about whether God was for me, or about misguided counsel from fellow Christians (coming from a place of love, but with little understanding of the health issues or griefs I was facing), or about what and why I was suffering, God's Word provided clarity. It took time and it took some careful study, but I learned that whatever madness or confusion threatened me, the Word of God leads me on a level path.
- I learned that Jesus Will Not Break a Bruised Reed or Quench a Faintly Burning Wick. Jesus will faithfully bring forth justice. He is a light for the nations, opening the eyes that are blind, bringing out prisoners from the dungeon (Isaiah 42). He cares for the widow and the orphan. He is near to the broken-hearted. In a world that values strength and despises the weak, I am deeply comforted to know that my Saviour cares for me in my brokenness.
- I grew in Courage through my Trials. As I continued to learn about other Saints who had endured many trials, and as I contemplated Christ's embrace of the worst of trials in order to save us from our sins, my heart was encouraged. I learned that suffering is never for nothing. I learned where to set my hope - not in this world but in the world to come, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
- I learned that God desires us to Wrestle WITH Him through Trials. The Book of Job has become one of my favourite books. It was once a burdensome and confusing book, but now I find it as comforting as a Psalm or calm music! I am thankful for anything Christopher Ash has written on Job. Suffering will be very disorienting. But God WANTS us to turn to Him and work through our suffering WITH Him. It can be our inclination to work through our suffering with friends or just complain AT God. But what God loves is when we turn TO Him, and share all our doubts, fears and questions WITH Him. Sometimes, those who are suffering receive the message that we should rejoice in our trials (James 1:2-4). And this is Biblical too. But in Job, we see the process. And we see that blessing God when He gives and takes away (Job 1:21) comes with complex grief and trauma. Rejoicing in God looks like a commitment to NOT curse God, but to continue to seek to have faith in God and love God.
- I have been Sanctified. God is using my trials to strengthen me. "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Romans 5:3-5). Even the struggle and discouragement I have faced in trying to open my Bible has produced a sort of endurance. And because I endured, now when I open my Bible, I open it with hope.
- I didn't Seek His Face in Vain. Experientially, I felt far from God for years. I was numb. Or I was in agony. I think this can be common for those who experience trauma. But continuing to seek God's face through apathy and pain has certainly not been in vain. God has drawn near to me. Eventually, after waiting and waiting for Him, He has extended small graces to me. My joy has been renewed. My soul is quieted. And, more importantly, I am confident that one day my soul will be completely healed. Whatever darkness and fear hover over my life now will one day be utterly removed.
GET READING, GET CREATIVE AND BE FLEXIBLE
- Right now I am working through a Bible in a Year plan. But it won't be completed within the year. For me, it's probably a Bible in a Year and Half plan, lol. Be flexible. Keep reading through whatever plan you chose, even it if takes longer than the plan's intended goal.
- The Dwell App really helped me to keep reading through strong bouts of anxiety. There's several readers to choose from, with a variety of accents, reading from a variety of translations. I like Rosie from Ireland, reading the ESV. Rosie has a soft voice, and this has been a huge blessing to keep me calm and keep me listening. Dwell also offers a variety of background music. The music has been important for helping me to be calm. It also allows you to read along right in the app, though sometimes I pick up my Bible and read along with that. If my head hurts too much, I simply listen. You definitely don't need this particular app in order to have access to all of these things. There are free audio Bibles available, and it would be easy enough to put on some gentle music to accompany it. I had no idea how helpful these simple adjustments to my Bible reading could be. So I share it in case anyone else out there might benefit! https://dwellapp.io
- I also really like listening to sermons when I'm feeling easily confused. Having a Scripture explained and exposited has helped me abundantly. I often don't listen to a sermon in one sitting, since I lose focus quickly. I listen for 15-20 minutes at a time, and come back to it later. I like CJ Mahaney and John Piper, along with some local preachers from solid churches. Semons help me to comprehend a a passage of Scripture when my brain is really foggy.
- Sometimes I work through a Bible Study Guide. I like the Knowing the Bible series, or anything done by Jen Wilkin. Study Guides ask questions of the text that you are studying. These can also be done with a friend or a small group. These are helpful for getting me to think about and meditate on the text.
- Donald Whitney's book Praying the Bible has really helped me to focus my prayers by praying through portions of Scripture. And it also gets me reading my Bible.
- When I am going through a particularly hard time, I take some time off from harder Old Testament passages. Trauma is challenging. But I'm learning to have a bit more grace with myself. Just because I have hard time reading Judges on one particular day doesn't mean I'm failing at communion with God. If I flee to God through the Psalms or by taking a breath of fresh air in the Gospels, that is just what He wants. I confess that I have stopped reading my Bible altogether when working through a plan, because I've hit hard passages. But now I'm learning to take breaks and go back when I'm a little stronger. And I'm thankful for what I learn as I do go through the harder, more triggering passages.
- On stronger days, I really love using a Scripture Journal. There's lots of room to make notes and record meditations. https://www.wtsbooks.com/collections/search-result?type=product&q=scripture+journal
- Sometimes I buy a cheaper Bible and highlight everything that pertains to particular theme or topic (for example, God's faithfulness). This has helped me a lot through times of discouragement.
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel
Lynette, thank you for this. Across so many years, I think of you with a heart full of fondness. I hope for many conversations with you about God's faithfulness - if not on this shore than the other.
ReplyDelete-Naomi (Barnes) Lounsbury