On the Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell Cases:

A) My personal struggles with the subject of sexual abuse:

When the Epstein case was in the news a few years ago, I was not able to follow very much of it. It was too close to home. I couldn’t read about it without going to dark places in my own mind.

The area of my life where I have had the most severe crisis of faith is in the arena of child abuse. I went to Bible College, wanting to know Christ more and wanting to serve God with the entirety of my life. However, as I sat through hours and hours of classes, and studied the Scriptures deeply, I was in an excruciating private battle with the Lord. I had been abused as a very young child. And I had never been able to tell anyone about it. I couldn’t understand what would lead a man to do something so awful to a child. There is nothing, nothing in the world, that made me so angry. There is nothing in the world that hurt me so much…

I was around a lot of Christians at the time. While I didn’t tell anyone about the abuse, I did sometimes ask questions about why men were so inclined towards sexual abuse. I know women abuse too. I have been deeply scarred by a woman’s abuse as well (though that abuse was not sexual). However, it is mostly men that are perpetrators of sexual abuse. Why? How could they? And some people would respond: That’s just how God created men…with a sex drive, and in some cases, some men can’t control themselves. This is a horrific answer. And it infuriated me more. It hurt me more…. It made me doubt God’s goodness in His design of men and women.

I spent those years in Bible College seeking answers to these questions. I somehow endured all the studies on manhood and womanhood, and conversations about submission. But these studies produced more questions. Why would God require women to submit to men, when they are apparently unable to control their sex drives, even to the point of forcing themselves on very young little girls? Why?

One day, I came upon this passage in my devotions:

“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” ~ 1 John 1:5-10

God is light. In him is NO DARKNESS.

In God, there is no deviation. There is no wicked and vile abuse. There is no evil in his authority…his authority is the only good and light I will ever find. If men abuse, or if they cause harm to children, it is not from God. That is sin, one of the worst kinds of sins. That is darkness. That is not what God created men to be. My heart has clung to this passage ever since…. I wish the Christians around me at that time had preached this to me. They might have if they understood what I was really asking. But I still didn’t have the words to speak the atrocities that had been done to me.

I am thankful that God spoke this message to me in my personal devotions. I am thankful I learned directly from Him that He is good, and He is pure light. That visual of pure light keeps me sane in the dark. I am also thankful I learned that not all men are sexually abusive. Some of the answers I got from other Christians confused me more. It seemed like they were saying men can’t help themselves. This passage taught me that simply is not true either. There are men who walk in the light, and do not have fellowship with the darkness. The men who tell themselves they cannot help themselves have given themselves over to darkness and have deceived themselves. I also learned the possibility for wickedness in my own heart. This passage sobered me in my walk with God. I learned that I need to walk in the light. I need to confess my sins. I need the blood of Jesus to cleanse me. May God help us all to walk in the light.

B) Epstein and Maxwell and the failure of justice

What Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell did to possibly over a thousand young girls is unspeakable. I had a hard time following this case, because it was evident that there was a deep failure of justice for these young girls. So. Many. Girls. I know that God will avenge. But I confess deep anger and confusion at the justice system when these kinds of sins are allowed to occur, and when these kind of men and women are allowed to keep doing what they do. It’s grisly. 

I know some of the case is still ongoing. Having lived through a pretty intense court case myself, I know why many of the files have not been released. They need to protect the case, and I do appreciate that.

The question I have is why hasn’t anyone else been arrested, beyond Epstein and Maxwell? Many people were involved in this. Why are guilty perpetrators still out there, and not convicted for their crimes with underage girls? I am physically sick thinking about this.

I am dismayed at the lack of justice.

And now, there is more injustice. Trump and his administration have arranged for Ghislaine Maxwell to be transferred to a minimum security cushy jail (with tennis courts and other ammenities). It’s possible she will get a better deal soon. Maxwell groomed young girls. She deceived and ensnared them. Over and over. Some of these girls said Maxwell's abuse was worse than Epstein's.  I’ve listened to some women describe their experience with her. Such a crime deserves a severe punishment. Her word has already been proven untrustworthy. She has already lied in court. She should not be receiving any kind of deal.

Trump has not exhibited a ‘walking in the light’ kind of life. Now or in the past. He has not repented of his own sins against women. Trump’s friendship with Epstein is well-documented, and very concerning. Furthermore, Trump has said some very disgusting things about little girls, and even his own daughter.

But I am also disgusted by anyone who has participated in what Epstein and Maxwell were providing. I want justice. Period. For every single girl who was harmed. I want every single person who was involved to receive justice. I don’t care who these people were, or what political party they were a part of, in whatever country they were from! My heart desires justice. I know God will give ultimate justice, especially where human institutions fail. This reality comforts me. But my heart is broken when young girls are failed, and humans do not do what is right by them.

But most of all, I am disappointed and deeply disheartened by Christians who support anyone who has been involved in sexual abuse (whether that’s Trump, any Democrat leader, or any church leader). It’s incredibly disorienting. If we are walking in the light, and not having fellowship with the darkness, we should be quick to defend the weak and defenseless against horrific abuse. We should be quick to call such men and women to repentance. We should not lie, but rather we should practice the truth, even if that brings a cost. We should not deceive ourselves, and think we are doing good by supporting such people. We should each be seeking to flee temptation. We need to walk in the light. I am thankful that when we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I pray for these girls (who are now women), that God would heal them and protect them. I pray that God will bring to light what has happened in the dark. I pray that they will know that in God, there is NO DARKNESS, whatsoever.