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On Isolation:


Suffering is complex. Suffering works out in a myriad of different ways in different people. Two people can suffer the same thing, but react in very different ways. 

The complexity of suffering (in all its forms, and how it impacts different people in different ways) causes isolation, for a variety of reasons. There's shame, fear, unspeakable pain, fatigue, paralysis and so much more that causes isolation. 

The complexity of suffering is also beyond what many who have not suffered that particular thing can comprehend. This means the people who would like to draw near don't know how to or are even callous and judgmental. Sufferers who have tried to let people help them can become so wearied by bad comforters, that they give up on trying to receive help. They are fragile and broken and just don't know how to handle one more rejection or one more rebuke. They are already at rock bottom, and have zero left to offer in bearing with the cruelty of bad comfort.

Sufferers sometimes isolate themselves because there is no other option left to them. They have tried to be patient, tried to bear with those who don't understand, and live with the judgment in compassion. But everyone has a breaking point...a point at which they cannot bear it anymore. We never know how much a sufferer has endured from others. 

I often hear harsh comments about people who stop going to church. Honestly, this breaks my heart. I have sat and listened to some of those who have stopped going to church. Their stories are unbelievable, and heartbreaking. They received the opposite of support. The churches they attended almost made it impossible for them to go back...and confused them so much they didn't know where to begin to try and attend a new church. They had been severely crushed and scarred. A friend recently commented that she'd rather hear more people making a different kind of statement: "Churches...stop hurting suffering people so badly...stop driving people away!" 

I know it's hard to understand suffering. I know it's maddeningly complex! I know that when we haven't been through something, we are very ignorant and clueless. I'm one of those people! I've been hurtful, tremendously so! But I pray that those who suffer deep and complex things will be surrounded by kind, cautious and gracious communities...who are not quick to judge, but are rather working hard to learn and understand. I pray that we can all learn to move towards each other in Christ-like fashion. I pray that we would stop breaking each other. I pray that sufferers would not need to be isolated anymore.

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