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On Anger

I struggled for a while with this consuming, uncontrollable anger. Pre-Covid lol. I hated it. I didn't want it. I kept trying to shove it down. That didn't work. Then when Covid hit, anger seemed to flood the world. I needed serious help, as did the rest of the world!


For me, the 3 most helpful things in dealing with that anger have been:

1. Praying the Psalms. I learned from this to really wrestle with God, and cry out to Him in my anger. I did this over and over and over, every day. I gave my anger to God. Over and over and over. I confess, I felt like there was no end to my anger. But as I prayed, I learned there is no end to God - and to treasure that His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways higher than my ways.


2.Therapy: with a Scripture-saturated, Christian therapist willing to call out my sin. But also able to compassionately help me see what was really triggering my anger. A variety of traumas built up this wall in my soul. I was afraid. Terrified of one more abuse, one more hateful thing, one more atrocity. Everything from everyone began to feel like an assault. I needed some help to see things about myself and about the world a little better. I needed someone to bring a little sanity to my soul.


3. The book "You're Only Human: How Your Limits Reflect God's Design and Why That's Good News" by Kelly Kapic. Through reading this book in particular, I started to see in myself how much I was trying to control my world. I was desperate for safety. I wanted to keep myself and others from harm. I hated injustice (and there is righteous anger mixed in there - but in me, it had become poison). I hated my weakness, and I felt intensely vulnerable. I felt like my chronic health issues made it easy for people to walk all over me. And I hated losing control of some of the simplest things - like sleep, walking, working, etc. Kelly Kapic's reflections helped me to learn how to rejoice in my various limitations, and lean on Him more. I learned to accept my vulnerabilities as from Him, but also learned God is working good in me and through me, despite my weaknesses. I learned to rest in God's all powerful strength. I learned to seek deeper faith in Him.

My anger isn't cured. But I am thankful for God's kindness to me right now to teach me how to keep submitting that anger to Him.


I also recommend the book Good and Angry by David Powlison!

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