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On Living With Chronic Illness and Pain

I have often wrestled with whether I have a high pain tolerance or a low pain tolerance. I've had this discussion at length with other friends who struggle this way!


But the answer is both! Weirdly, I can have low pain tolerance simultaneously with high pain tolerance! I know! Bizarre!

The thing is, I live with multiple kinds of pain, every day. Headaches/migraines, joint paint, muscle pain, bone pain, endometriosis, severe TMJ, pelvic pain, IBS pain, sinus and ear pain, foot pain, knee pain (my knee cap dislocated 3-4 years ago, and it never returned to normal), arthritic pain, skin pain, eye pain, and the list can go on!

I carry a LARGE load of pain. And for much of that pain, I've learned to ignore it and function in a way that most people don't know I'm in pain. I go to doctors, and they can poke and prod me and I don't say a word.

High pain tolerance:

I go the ER, and the things I'm going through should have me screaming yet I am sitting calmly and patiently (screaming on the inside) and it takes longer for the doctors and nurses to believe that I'm in serious trouble.

I am able to hide most of my pain on a daily basis. I don't like bringing down the conversation or drawing attention to myself by talking about most of the pain. I only do tell people about my pain if it's impacting how I relate to others, so they know I'm not angry or sad, but just in pain. Especially with the TMJ, it can just be hard to smile! Any facial expression is very painful with TMJ. So if I think of it (and I often forget), I do try to indicate it's a bad TMJ day so people know why I'm not as 'engaged' in the conversation. I am engaged, I just can't signal with my face that I'm engaged!

Low pain tolerance:

On the flipside, because I have so much going on in terms of pain, someone might just touch my arm and I'll yelp. Or if I'm experiencing a 10 in pain in two different ways, I will be crying or rocking back and forth, or curled up in the fetal position.

When I'm having an extreme fatigue day, it is also hard to also deal with pain. On those days, I can be more sensitive to pain.

Because I live with EDS/Hypermobility Syndrome, my body is more fragile. My joints are unstable. My neck isn't terribly stable. Just catching a ball is painful on my joints. So because of the instability and all the pain that comes with that, I am injured VERY easily, and am a lot more sensitive to pain than most who have healthy bodies.

Conclusion:

I constantly live with this confusing mix of low and high pain tolerance. It's confusing for me! I know it can be confusing for others! It's definitely confusing for doctors!

I think this is a fairly common experience for many who live with chronic illness and/or pain.

I know it would be easy to make flash judgments about me or others in a similar situation. I was told for years that I just can't handle pain - until I realised I was handling MOST of my unbearable pain without anyone being able to notice. Indeed, I actually thought that amount of pain was normal for everyone! Until I got married, I literally thought this pain was normal for most people! But what a HUGE contrast! Sony rarely ever has a headache! I am rarely (if ever) without a headache! Likewise for all the other pain ailments!

God has been my refuge. He has allowed all of the physical pain into my life for a purpose. I used to be wildly discontent with all of my health issues, desperately wanting a healthier body. But God is teaching my soul how to be quiet even though my body rages. I think that's a beautiful thing. God is teaching me to love others, to focus on the most important things, and to set my hope on my future home, not this fading earthly dwelling. And most importantly, my own broken body helps me to learn how to share in Christ's sufferings and more deeply understand what sacrifice He undertook for our salvation. Praise be to God!

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