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On Energy Levels and Chronic Illness:

My 'energy bank' is far too often empty. This concept is hard to understand, even for those of us who live like this! A person with a healthy body can keep pushing their body. They can wash that one last dish. They can force themselves to walk home. There's still a little left in the tank, and a healthy person can squeeze out those last drops of energy (even when sick with a cold)! For me, my body completely crashes. I literally fall down or black out if I try to squeeze out a last drop of energy. I have literally had to crawl home numerous times when walking my daughter to school.

I also never start with huge energy store.

I have to pace myself. If I make dinner today, I will probably need to rest all day tomorrow. If I visit family for the day, I will probably have 2-3 crash days where I am forced to stay in bed.

This is not how I want to live my life. I wrestle against this still! I keep trying to force myself to do that extra load of laundry. But the consequences are steep when I overdo it. It costs me days, maybe a week!

I know people look at my life, and think I am lazy. I am having to learn not to care what people think, and live every ounce of my life wisely. I don't enjoy being weak and being seen as weak, but I know that God in His wisdom gave me these limitations. Therefore, I seek to glorify God with every ounce of energy given to me. As Job beautifully declares: "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" (Job 2:10)

The Lord has used the following passage to encourage me. Man sees the appearance, but God sees my heart. He knows my frame and knows that I am but dust. He knows my frailty and has allowed me to be frail to this precise degree. Even in my energy poverty, I can glorify God.

"And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which makes a penny. And He called His disciples to Him and said to them, 'Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of the abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.' "
~Mark 12:41-33

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